clarelouise

I want a day off!

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:07:02 GMT

It's 4.50am. I have been awake since 4am, The baby is fast asleep, so why am I awake? I am so sick of it, sick to the back teeth... I want a day off, I want to go to work at 8.30 and not have to think about what Dexter wants until I get home at six. My days are spent moving from one thing with him to the next, get him up, is he hungry, is he needing a hug, is he still tired, nappy need changing, playing with, do his bottles need washing.. I'm sick of it I just want a break. I feel incredibly guilty every time I need Brian's help, like I am somehow failing the both of them, particularly at 4.30am...

This is what I wanted, so why am I not enjoying it, I feel like I made one of the worst decisions of my life and like those in the generations before me I am going to be a bad mum

Baby Whispering. Day Three

Mon, 04 May 2009 10:13:45 GMT

So our second morning trying the Baby Whispering E.A.S.Y routine, first night went well, slept from 7-10, 11-1, 2-4, 6-7... I think the problem started at 7am we set the alarm, got out of bed -

E: fed him, A: washed him top and tail, dressed him.. then he fell asleep S: Napped from 7.30 until 10
This was not quite according to the plan but not too bad I got a couple of hours of sleep to make up for the lack of sleep between 4 and 6!

Next block, E: 10-10.30, nice easy feed went well A: Dexter sat with Daddy and just looked about S: Put him in his car seat and did the shopping (Slept from 11.30-1pm) Really good, just what we wanted we even had a quiet lunch together - strange how precious these moments feel

Next block E: 1.15pm- 1.30pm, A: He didn't seem that keen, play mat came out, not interested, Daddy's lap again, S: Put him down just before 3, probably missed some of his sleep cues (yawning).. he eventually dosed off for 20 minutes at 4 not ideal

He was then to put it mildly a cranky, overtired little sod. Brian insisted we give him his bath (it is the bedtime routine after all) even though he had dozed off, so the poor little fella got woken when we stripped him off and washed his face, everything about it felt wrong and I think we got the night we deserved. He fell asleep at 6.30pm :) woke at 8pm :( fed then cried until 11pm :( :( slept til 1am, cried until 2.30am, slept until 4am, then from 4.30 until 7.. 7am fed then supposed to be activity, changed nappy, then he cried, fell asleep on me ( a big no no!!!) and then slept until 9.45am on my chest. I don't know where we will go from here.. we are about to try and put him down again after activity with Daddy, watching him do the washing up..

The frustrating part is that, Brian and I do things differently so already we don't have consistency, we need to get on the same page of the book I think! This is one of the only places that single parents have an advantage. The second frustrating part is that tomorrow until Friday his routine will be crippled, he has a hospital appointment, then visiting family in Northampton Wednesday. London on Thursday (I'm taking a 7 week old to the big smoke, on the train, on my own! I must be crazy).

I'm not sure how I feel about doing it by the book, it does make sense a lot of it but I still feel like I should just know what to do. I want to have a chilled out calm baby, that can handle any situation.. am I asking too much at 6 weeks?

Baby Whispering. Day One

Sat, 02 May 2009 20:06:14 GMT

Today we have started to baby whisper mainly because we were starting to feel a little lost as new parents. Dexter is 6 weeks old and he has until the past few days been very easy but he has just started to wake often and constantly demand feeding. This has proved to be very tiring and frustrating. So we picked up a number of books, Gina Ford.. seemed too set by routine and strict, parenting for dummies.. not enough information, and a couple of other randoms.. but Tracy Hogg struck a chord with both of us, it seems sensible and a lot nicer for the little one. It is based on an acronym E.A.S.Y, Eat, Activity, Sleep and You.

So far we have had a nice bath time, 20 minutes of contented Dexter in the tub, he has always been happy in the bath but we have previously dragged him out after 5 minutes thinking he would get cold but he seemed to love the full 20 :) followed by a massage, he cried through this but he does hate being naked we will keep trying with this as it felt nice for me to have so much skin to skin contact with him. He then had a feed and was put down to sleep at 7 after the visual cues (a second yawn meant he was tired), for what was the first time really, we both sat down for tea at the dining room table and had a glass of wine (small for me). It felt great, a little strange but great, now we are both chilling out in our own way until 10pm when he is due the next feed.

I am aware the this is a very small step in a long process which may not work but it has to be worth a try. I think the biggest hurdles will be others, I await criticism of routines from our parents. I also worry that too much routine will be hard to maintain when we are on holiday, visiting friends etc. This is going to be an interesting journey and one that will hopefully, as the book promises, give us a contented baby :)

I am secretly dreading the 7am start to each day though... but very much looking forward to the 40 minutes of play time every day :D

Boy? Girl? Boy?....

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 13:50:50 GMT

The one thing that really annoys me about being pregnant, ok there is more the one thing, but the one thing that annoys me the most is strangers guessing what sex your baby will be... "50/50 chance!" I scream at them and they say "no, you haven't got a very big bump for your stage, that's a boy that is.." If it really was the case that the shape, size, way your bump was lying could be the obvious pointer to the sex of your baby then why do the doctors have to scan you!! IDIOTS!!!

The second thing that annoys me about pregnancy, whilst I am here... Why has the size and shape of my body very suddenly become a talking point.. "you're not very big are you?", "look at your tummy".. well you know what, next time I will reply with "turn around, oh yeah, I thought your arse was getting bigger" Cruel I know and you also know that I won't do anything of the sort, unless they happen to catch me on a particularly hormonal day and everyone knows you can get away with pretty much anything when you are pregnant... I'm determined to try shoplifting once it is much more obvious :)

Having said all of that, Brian and I do, fingers crossed*, get to find out the sex of the baby today. Up until this point I have been very determined that I wanted a boy, my sister has 3 girls and quite frankly I have had enough of them, but now the day has arrived I don't really mind, little girls seem to be cuter than little boys, they don't go through a stage of punching and pointing pretend guns, but they do go through the stage of period's, being a sulky hormonal, paranoid teenager.. hang on so do boy teenagers... Ok I son't care what we have as long as the doctor can promise me it will never be a teenager!

*Only if it is lying the right way with its legs spread obviously..

UPDATE: It's a boy :)

Tantrums, Tears and Revels

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:13:24 GMT

Today was one of those days I have read about in the pregnancy books... it started normally enough, the alarm went off, I popped it on snooze once, ok twice. I got out of bed, moaned about the cold, showered, moaned about the cold, and then tried to get dressed and all hell broke loose. Apparently this morning it was Brian's fault that none of my clothes fitted, well it kind of is ;p. There were many tantrums and clothes thrown everywhere, if it wasn't for the fact that I started my new job yesterday I swear to god I would have put my PJ's back on and climbed back into bed.

After the tantrums came the tears which lasted on and off ALL DAY! I am sure it was very disconcerting for everyone around me that I kept randomly crying.. once because the external hard drive I was using was full and I couldn't save to it...

When it came to hometime I felt better and was able to drive the car home without so much of a single teardrop, I decided with a small song in my heart to pick up Brian from work as way of an apology for that mornings antics... as I tried, tried and tried again to contact him telling him of his good fortune I realised with a heavy heart that he wasn't answering his phone because he was with some slut getting his jollies!!!! I texted him and told him exactly what I thought of that!

So have we split up? Is it the end of Mr & Mrs Perrett... well no, turns out he was in his lab and forgot to take his phone with him so didn't know I was calling...

After all this he should have dumped me, instead he came with me to Next, bought me two big cosy jumpers and has now deposited me in bed with a warm ribena, a bag of revels and my laptop..

All I can say is I love my husband very, very much (can't actually say this without crying) and I HATE HORMONES!!!

Movement

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 19:03:04 GMT

Today, not for the first time but the only time I can say for sure.. I felt some movement from the little fella (or little miss) inside me. It was very strange and very off putting as I was at the time attempting, also for the first time, to negotiate a better pay rise to go with my promotion. I'll get back to that another time..

So there is really something growing inside of me, I have to trust the hospital when they say it is a baby but part of me still has nightmares of an Alien like creature - or uterus parasite as it was described by a colleague today - growing inside of me. It had been draining the very life out of me up until last week too but now the vomiting has come to an end, finally, the tiredness has gone and I feel almost blooming, as all the books say I should be.. so just now was a great day to feel some movement, adding to the positive vibes and confidence that is coming back since the grumpiness that was the end of the difficult first trimester!

Obviously about 20% of me is still a little freaked out by the thought of this thing getting bigger and then worse still climbing out (I have finally realised it isn't delivered to the doorstep by a stork), and then one day it will be my very own teenager... the greatest fear of all. I have skipped past nappies and sleepless nights as I feel they will be a walk in the park compared to some grunting, parent hating 13-17 year old, everyone says it is a long way off but I think it will fly by.

Anyway, less of that today is a positive day and I am holding that thought, probably right up until 3.30am when I have to get out of bed in the cold to use the bathroom!!!

Positive result

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 17:31:18 GMT

It has been a long time since i have posted anything on this journal, but since getting a positive result I have had a few people tell me it is a good thing to try and do.. so here goes.

So last week I peed on a stick (tmi) and had two pink lines, which means 'Pregnant!'... Its been a long week since then. Doctors Wednesday to let them know I was pregnant :) doctors on Thursday to say I was suffering from some abdominal pain :( Weekend of worry!! Tuesday, hospital for early scan... too early to really see anything significant but it loked exactly how they would expect to at this time so that was pretty reassuring. The nurse was lovely and has managed to really calm me down, so much so that by yesterday evening I was in bed at 5pm, didn't sleep that well though because my (.)(.)'s were so bloody painful.

Today, my first real day of accepting that yes I am pregnant, was an odd one so many emotions... will I be any good at this mum thing? How the hell do I tell my parents? I'm 31 why am I worrying about telling my parents? When can I tell the world I am pregnant?

I am very tired and the house is a tip, Susan is staying for a week from Friday, so really need to move my ass but motivation is ridiculously low!

One thing I know though, I must not go on Pregnancy forums or read anything else on the internet about pregnancy it is bad for my health